AGRICULTURE. “Worst Mistake in the History of the Human Race” -Jared Diamond
Over the last five thousand years or so Mesoamericans and now the Monsanto corporation have endeavored to transform a tiny one inch cob, through selective breeding and dubious genetic engineering into what we know today as modern corn, or maize. Modern corn can reach up to fifteen inches and is Mostly produced for hog feed and corn syrup, food items generally to be avoided. Jared Diamond argues that agriculture has produced a general decline in human health, The destruction of the natural environment, an increase in drudgerous labor and the human resource surpluses that facilitate large scale war and the rule of tyrannical oligarchy. But I can tell you what it is good for. Corn makes a fantastic substitute for a penis, except unlike a penis it is 2.25 inches in diameter, is clad in a stimulating texture, it stays perpetually hard and when your finished with it, you can eat it. Its not even expensive. Admittedly there is little to no scientific merit to this experiment, but its fun, and sometimes these whims produce unexpected results. Penicillin was discovered by accident. First you want to find a high quality organic sweetcorn, then bring it up to just a little above body temperature in a hot water. We strongly recommend coconut oil as a lubricant, just in general its great but in this case also because its edible. Don't forget to bring a plate of salt, pepper, thyme, lime zest, and cyan to bed to roll it in when your done. you will never eat better corn.
SUBJECT: As soon as my operator put the corn inside me I felt the exhilarating sensation of the multitude of bumpy kernels rubbing against the ridges inside my pussy. I came nearly immediately and as I was coming I saw a comet like orb of light, white light, hovering in the upper right corner of my vision. Surrounding it, coming out of it were rings of white, green, red and orange light. Every time my operator would thrust the corn inside of me, the concentric circles around the white light would ripple out, corresponding with the movement.
It was immensely beautiful.
OPERATOR: There was a lot of warm up before the corn. Pleasuring the Subject with corn is somewhat self explanatory, however there is some technique and variation to keep it interesting and prevent "pleasure plateau."
SUBJECT: Corn could be my favorite vegetable. I am interested to try this experiment again to see if similar visions are experienced. I am also interested in trying it with some wasabi and ghee.
OPERATOR: Wasabi and ghee? Well that was fun. For a good portion of my life I lived under the erroneous misconception that similar to a man, a woman after a strong orgasm wants a moment to relax and rest and think about it. This is not true. A technique with the corn as with many other instruments can be to just keep going, to reach the higher orgasm plateaus. Orgasm strength can be exponential. This may not be true of all women, it is certainly true of the Subject. Try it at home and see, maybe ask first.
The image above is found artwork . Thank you for supporting the sciences, more to come soon. Please try these experiments at home. Send us comments, your divergent experiences for publication and suggestions for experiments at firstname.lastname@example.org